Archive for April, 2009

When pigs fly

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

swineflu

Alien no more

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

american-flag-3It is now official. I am American. I still don’t feel like an American. But then again, I never really felt very Swedish either. Or Polish for that matter. Having Polish parents while living in Sweden has made me somewhat confused over where I really belong. I have always conveniently chosen to answer where I’m from depending on the situation. When someone made fun of Sweden, I was Polish. When someone teased me about being from Poland, I was Swedish. It worked out great, and sometimes I felt sorry for those poor kids with only one country of origin. How did they manage?

Now, I have yet another identity to delude my sense of patriotism.

The ceremony was pretty nice. It was me and 850 other people from 93 different countries who took the Oath of Citizenship at the same time. Pretty neat. The only thing I found somewhat ironic was when they played “Born in the USA” through the loudspeakers, before the ceremony, in an auditorium full of 850 foreigners just about to become neutralized naturalized.

We celebrated afterwards by eating out. I had ribs, coleslaw and a Budweiser, instantly feeling a lot more American.

Preparing for the Apocalypse

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

nuclear_blastI love getting myself worked up listening to conservative talk radio. It’s a form of entertainment I indulge in at times when in a car and without anything else interesting to listen to. In times like these I turn to Sean Hannity and Bill Cunningham to keep me company. In a way they’re very Orwellian in their style, sometimes reminiscent of the Two Minutes Hate from 1984, but stretched out for hours on end to fill the great demand.

Endless people call in patting themselves and the host on the back for being “Great Americans” and whatnot. They talk about how the president is going to take their guns away from them and why it’s a great idea to stockpile weapons. They talk about how the war in Iraq is going great and how we’re winning. And they talk about the economy and how there’s a left wing conspiracy to make us all communist. It’s all pretty entertaining and all that fear mongering is quite normal for this particular station.  They have a great line-up of talk show hosts that specialize in it after all. What caught my attention yesterday as I was listening was not that though, but one of their commercials.

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New Job

Saturday, April 18th, 2009

I guess this isn’t news anymore, but I did actually manage to find a job finally…… even after I banged my face up on a plate glass window.

man_gets_jobNeil and Buzz should be happy that they got the easier task……

The Most Dangerous Game

Saturday, April 18th, 2009

deadliest_game

Walking into stuff

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

One thing I do not recommend doing right before going into a job interview is walking into a plate glass window. Very few things in life are more humbling than just that. Fortunately there were no eye witnesses (unless a security camera somewhere picked this up and gave someone a good laugh), so little harm was done, besides some non-visible facial bruising, a slightly bloodied lip and a damaged ego.

At this point I would like to congratulate the window washer for a remarkable job. If a video of the event did in fact exist I would allow it to be used as a testament to his impeccable craftsmanship. It could also be used in a compilation of other videos of me walking into stuff, such as: Me walking into screen door, lamp post or a street sign.

Apparently, thinking clouds my vision and impairs my ability to see immobile objects in front of me, no matter the size, often leading to events where a “ding” or “clonk” sound can be heard, and pain felt in the affected body parts. Usually the head part.

I’m amazed I still have teeth. I lost my pride and dignity long ago.

Watch out Folsom

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

Too bad nothing can’t be done about this.


Preemptive Memorial Honors Future Victims Of Imminent Dam Disaster